When alone, imagining my closeted brothers and sisters, I sob.
I sob from the depths of my soul and I ache.
The closet is a torture chamber that has no place in the modern world,
and yet I see more and more shutting themselves in; cloistered, dark,
separate, devastated, removed. It is as an epidemic; perhaps the new
epidemic that will destroy our tribe.
The only safety the closet offers is that of illusion and ill-met gains.
Temporary satisfaction. Hollow, seeming victory at the price of self.
It is a tribute to the wants of others, paid for with the loss of one's
own life and happiness.
Especially here in the south, this Biblically-devastated, tortured
strip of land where ignorance reigns supreme, and the dual life is a
cherished commodity. The constant game playing, the refusal of
self, the denial of needs, the self-deprecating belief systems....
it's an unseemly drama of Faustian proportions. This is another
level of Dante's Inferno.
The sharpest knife is the doubly (or is it triply?) fake betrayal
of turning on one's own; that those who could have been the key
of one's release and joy, now become the target of one's bile
and vitriol, all while seeking the grace and mercies of the company
of those who hate us (yes, us!) most.
It is the bitterest of ironies that those super-stars of high achieve-
ment and cunning--who hide their own desires deep--ingratiate
themselves to the establishment which has the power to crush
us all. They rise to positions of power, where in turn they sell
out the rest of us in order to procure their own esteemed seat
of continued well-being.
Over-achievers, desperately seeking compensation and acceptance
for their perilously self-destructive efforts to fit in. Assimilation
and conformity do offer much, sense their attainment requires you
rid yourself of conscience and soul, anyway.
We truly have the power to be anything, in this day and age,
and still we gladly sit in darkness while we are the only ones
who hold the keys to our prison.
Is this what 40+ years of protest and defiance has led to?
Is this the best the evolution of queer men and women can hope for?
Please, somebody prove me wrong.
***************************************************
(As a practice, I don't normally import original content from one
blog to another, but this is from my Georgia Unity blog this week.)
*****
I want to stop and take a moment for some clarity.
"Thank You," to all our haters.
I want to express the mountain of Love I have for
the Michelle & Marcus Bachmanns, the Fred Phelps
sorts, the Rick Santorums, the Mitt Romneys, and
the Pat Robertsons.
You are the reason I am such a strength. Why I
will continue to gather and promote power.
You are what motivates me to fight on, to persevere,
to speak up and stand out and find that inner strength
that exists within us all.
You are the reason a whole new generation of my
brothers and sisters are galvanizing, forging together
as one to defeat the enemy. If left to our own devices,
we likely would not have been so resolute or determined,
but the clarion call of defending ourselves against your
misguided vivisecting is a godsend.
I am more whole because of you.
I am steadfastly fierce and fiery because of you.
I am toughened, motivated, and hastened by your threat.
I am more determined to never cease, and never give in.
You are the cornerstone of proof needed to showcase the
real demons facing me and mine every day.
Each child's death, spurred on by your hate and selfishness
and misinformation, only ensures that our lives will be
more focused on meting out justice, on changing the
backwardness of the land, of combating evils like
you and yours.
Each adult's life lived in exile from their own body,
suppressed and fearful and self-loathing, based on
your nonsensical dogma and rhetoric, will spur me
on to victory at any cost.
You have convinced me there is no god, because no
god would support the likes of you, and no god would
allow you to misuse its truly holy name. No god would
permit your devilish existence.
And I now know that, no matter how down-and-out
and nutsy-squirrel I become, I will never be the most
bat-shit crazy dope-headed ignorant fucker in the room,
cuz you all have that shit hammered down and notarized.
Thank you, and again;
I love you and appreciate you for the purpose you give
my day. I will beat you. Me and mine are locked in
battle to live well and leave your sad sickness in the dust.
All your hard work has paid off handsomely.
***************************************
 |
| "A New Creation" |
So what are you resolved to change this year?
Hell, just today?
If you don't make a plan, then you're open to anything
happening, and it'll definitely happen to you, not for you.
You can't leave life to chance.
So you want things to 'get better.' Or you want to
'handle yourself better' in the future?
Sounds great, but let's get specific.
If you need some ideas for specific changes that
will matter, look no further.
New Day Resolutions for a New Creation!
1. Don't lay down.
No matter how scared or how outnumbered,
you can't let people see you as a doormat.
If they already have that perception, there's no time like
the present to change it. Even if it's just a matter of not
giving up, and ignoring juvenile taunts and jibes. It's
not what gets said; it's what you believe that matters.
If you know someone to be a troglodyte slob, what does
it matter what they say?
People will treat you like a victim so long as you
inform them through your actions--or inaction--
that it is permissible.
This doesn't mean going Columbine in the hallways;
standing up for self can be words, taking action with
officials, getting creative, or even taking a swing if
all else fails. If someone is hurting you and nothing
is being done about it, you have the Right to fight back.
2. Take care of yourself.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Eat right, exercise, see a therapist, work out aggression
in productive ways, create, journal, find friends, have
hobbies, look good, listen to positive and supportive
music, and so forth.
You have to live the life you want and enjoy it.
If you let other people influence the quality of
your life, they win. Even if you are tentative and meek
at first, do your own thing. Don't let any area of your
life be unfulfilled or unattended.
3. Follow your heart.
Fitting in is so incredibly over-rated. Wear what you
want, speak how you speak, feel what you feel, and
be your true self. Even if it makes you stand out,
you have to have the strength to be yourself.
Because long after high school (or a job,
or a living arrangement, etc) is over, you will always
have yourself to depend on. Make it a relationship
that matters.
You are the most important person in your world.
Everyone else is secondary, and the people who don't
love and respect you? They don't matter at all in the
scheme of things. Certainly don't revolve your life or
your actions around them! Do your own thing.
4. Release, don't suppress.
It's the pushing down and suppressing of emotions
and feelings that causes real problems. Just because
there is opposition from people does not mean they
are right or insurmountable. Speak, though your
voice may quake, (as the saying goes.)
Better out than in. You have a right to be heard, you have
a right to your opinion, and you have a right to defend
yourself. Stand up. Speak up. You don't have to go crazy;
strength is in the doing and standing tall, not in breaking
stuff or cussing. It's consistency and clarity that can win it,
not raging or threatening.
(Though there may be times when going a little buck-wild
can have an impact, too!)
The point with all these suggestions is the same; you can make
a definitive change for the better at any point in your life.
It may seem whelming or frightening, but once done it gets easier.
Strength, just like fear, is contagious and cumulative.
Do what ya gotta do. We are stronger than we know, and we
can learn that at any time. If you want things to be better,
take an active participatory involvement in doing something
about it. You are in fact worth it, at any age.
Peace, and Happy New Year, my brothers and sisters!
******************************************
Here's a great piece from a friend in PFLAG,
illustrating a major oversight in how many cases
of bullying are handled.
**************************************************************************
D. Michael Cavalier
A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying.
She gave them the following exercise to perform: They were
asked to take a piece of paper and crumple it up, stomp on it,
and really mess it up - not rip it.
Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look
at how scarred and dirty it was. She then asked them to tell it
they’re sorry.
Although they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper,
she pointed out all the scars that they left behind, and that
those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried
to fix it. That is what happens when someone bullies a child;
they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever.
The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told
her the message hit home.
Pass it on.
***********************************************
