Family Album: Our Shared History

Kelly Clarkson - "People Like Us"

Absolute perfection.
This girl cranks out anthems and power ballads like the other young singers
crank out arrest records.

You GO, Miss Lady;
we needed something to give us some encouragement right about now!

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Carry It With You

Gonna Hate if They Can't Relate (Fuck 'em!)

In a small town, I am 'guilty' of being an outsider

by mere virtue of existence.

People hate and fear me because I exist.

They don't see me (us) as people, as human,

as individuals, as precious goods.

They see us through a veil of misguided fear,

hateful teachings, their parents' handed-down

generational confusion and bias, church-sponsored hate,

misinformed prejudices, self-hating hang-ups,

mind-numbing agendas, and other horseshit that I

am not responsible for burdening them with.

(Yet, we still bear the brunt.)

I am the cumulative threat--the Big Bad--

of a thousand Sunday school diatribes, decades

worth of social cues to distrust the homos, and

the imposed etiquette of purportedly appropriate

behavioral standards. Their ignorance made flesh,

though they are unaware of the divide

between assumption and reality...

that I exist beyond their small minds-eye.

I am not at fault or to blame

that these folks were never exposed

to any openly, proudly, unapologetically queer

folks, though their populace is filled to capacity

with shamed, closeted, and miserable brothers

and sisters of mine.

Others taught them--trained them well--in

fearing their own sexuality and the world

outside their door.

I swear I didn't tell them the lie that there

are no queers in their family tree, their current family,

or this town. That we are not an isolated nor

big city phenomenon.

I do wish there was a simple way to speed them past

all of their hangups and growth pains, but the only pill they

see in sight is me...and none of them dare put me in

their mouth and swallow!

***

A Word of Advice for Holiday (Coming) Outings

I know that for those of us newly having come to terms with

our sexuality and identity, there can be a transformative

sense of elation and freedom...and also a desire to

share with others, since we have been

burdened with isolation for so long.

Considering this, the holidays can seem like

the perfect time to spring the news on friends

and family, while everyone is in one place and

moods are (at least in pretense and theory) high.

But I would caution folks from doing this, despite the

popularity of the action, without giving ample

thought, time, and consideration to it first.

The euphoria we feel when newly out (even if

only to ourselves) can affect our judgment on

these rather large life-decisions.

Now, the most specific target audience I am

addressing is the youth; anyone still living at home

and emotionally (and particularly financially)

vulnerable. Or, anyone of any age whose living

arrangements or physical well being are tied up

in another's good graces.

The predominant desire--at any age--is that you will

let the family member or friend whom you care about in

on the good feelings so that they too can experience them.

But there is no telling what the response will be,

and the numbers of teens who are kicked out on the street

every year for announcing being gay or lesbian (or for

that matter, questioning) is astronomical.

I don't say this lightly to produce fear; simply to be

the voice of reason and considerate deliberation.

(When I came out to my parents as a young teen,

my father raged and physically threatened me, called

the sheriff to remove me from the home, and screamed

like a madman. I escaped to my 'liberal cool' aunt's house,

where she turned me away as well. You just don't know, and

your safety isn't worth taking chances with.)

If the whole 'being out' thing is new to you,

you should try telling one or two close people

first, in a safe and intimate environment.

The euphoria of being in this new place can warp

your perceptions about whether things are really a good

idea or not. Feelings can lead your mind to think what it

wants, rather than what's realistic. Therefore, even though I

am personally balls out, I suggest others feel out the situation

and circumstances before they potentially put themselves in a

bad situation.

Think it through, be calm, consider it carefully,

get the advice of a great friend or counselor

or even someone else who has gone through the coming

out process. It isn't a race, and if telling people is

a good idea now, it'll still be a good idea later.

Don't rush. You have to consider the big picture.

(Conversely, you can't undo it once done, so...)

On the opposite end of things; if you're feeling

depressed and isolated because you are not

handling your sexuality and your feelings well,

please know that you don't have to go through it

alone. Many of us went through very dark days

on the road to loving yourself; this world is harsh.

But there are places to help, and people who care.

And most certainly you should avoid folks who

make you feel badly about yourself. You deserve better.

There's more to our lives than sex, there's more

to our world than disapproving people. Break out

of the bonds of fear and repression, and just

be free! It's a work in progress...but it is worth it!

For more info, support, and stories

of others, check out

www.hrc.org/ComingOut

www.gaylife.about.com/od/comingout/a/Coming-Out.htm

www.ExperienceProject.com

***