ENOUGH!

These past few weeks have been littered with story after story of
still more teens killing themselves in response to bullying at school
and online, as well as general depression about their sexuality.

Well, god-damned ENOUGH and GET THE FUCK OVER IT ALREADY.

Sorry, but the empathy has left the building.
I will honor no dead because the attention seems to be convincing
some that attention after-the-fact is worth killing yourself over.
With all the resources and all the available people, there's no
justification.

Yes, life is hard. Better well jolly cotton up to that shit and let's all
bloody well fucking move on to the main feature, shall we?

Instead of creating a world where we abolish the taunters and teasers--
which is, by the way, never going to happen--why don't we all get industrious
and do some real damned good? Like making our youth stronger.

We can't change what others will do, and I don't mean to say give up on
holding them responsible. But no one can be passive in life and survive,
and a lot of these kids are ill-equipped for reality because 'being gay'
to them is all about the aesthetic, the idea, the quaint "while in your room
talking to your sympathetic friends and watching 'Will & Grace' re-runs"
un-reality of being gay in a fantasy world.

But this world is not that. It's another beast all together.

People are rude, and cruel, and hurtful.
But they can only win if you care about what they say....
if you show that they have sway over you...
if you aren't able to fight back.
They only win when you stop trying and give up.

It isn't about size or strength or being butch or becoming a bully
yourself. Plenty of drag queens and trans folks and petite women
know all about being Fierce not because it is innate, but because it
is necessary in order to survive! You have to be able to adapt.

Survival is key, and you have to evolve to survive.

It's time to train ourselves in how to be better fighters, promoters
of self, and egotists. It's time for confidence-building and speaking
up and training and not taking shit.

So you're afraid? Good, acknowledge it and move on.
Everybody's scared of life. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a
lying sack of shit. You only get courageous by facing fear, not giving
in to it.

And yes, life does get better, but only with WORK. You have to do
your part, not give in and give up. You can't wait for a hero, honey
chiles. You have to BECOME your own god-damned hero.
And that's the facts, Jack.

Stop hurting yourselves.
Stop allowing the enemy to win.
Stop thinking of yourselves as weak or less than.
Stop striking in when you should be striking out.

You are all fierce and fabulous and beautiful, my gay and lesbian
and conflicted and bi and trans and queer and unlabeled and straight
outcasts, and I love you dearly. At any age. In any place. Of any race.
Of any size.

For the love of creation and the unique and gorgeous life that
you are...stop hurting yourself...and do whatever it takes to
find your voice, fight back, and live life loud and proud.

Be strong.
Be courageous.
It is within you.

Remembering artist & activist Keith Haring

Since it seems so much of the LGBT history is not known

in this younger, more self-sufficient age, I thought looking

back on our shared past and some of our greats

would be a good means of introduction.

Haring was a young gay man who used art to reach

audiences in everyday settings. He was interested in

education, creating unity, and eliminating the divide

between classes (and overcoming people's aversion to art.)

Finding new avenues for expression and utilizing

simple but bold designs, color, and imagery was

enticing and approachable. His interests included

fighting Apartheid, AIDS, and the crack epidemic.

From humble beginnings (subway chalk drawings,

graffiti art, mixed media) he grew a worldwide empire

based in social consciousness in a time when being

openly gay was still anathema and conservatism

was in swing.

Haring only lived to be 31, but his influence

and impact were tremendous. (He inspires and influences

me personally to this day!) His art is still

used as the icon for the annual

"National Coming Out Day" celebration,

among many other events.

***************

A Powerful Point on Bullying

Here's a great piece from a friend in PFLAG,
illustrating a major oversight in how many cases
of bullying are handled.

**************************************************************************

D. Michael Cavalier



A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying.
She gave them the following exercise to perform: They were
asked to take a piece of paper and crumple it up, stomp on it,
and really mess it up - not rip it.
 
Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look
at how scarred and dirty it was. She then asked them to tell it
they’re sorry.
 
Although they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper,
she pointed out all the scars that they left behind, and that
those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried
to fix it. That is what happens when someone bullies a child;
they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever.
 
The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told
her the message hit home.
 
Pass it on.
 
***********************************************

The Devil in God's Clothing

So I live far out and have a hell of a time with
radio reception at my place. Consequently, sometimes
I get a station I wouldn't ordinarily listen to, like a
Fox News subscriber network.

Yesterday was just such a day, and I was subjected
to a ludicrous "Focus on the Family" 'news' update.

They had a piece about how the gay and lesbian service
members (and veterans) are looking to use momentum
from the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to overturn
DOMA.

And how even though the country is firmly against this,
those poor lawmakers are being railroaded by those
fanatical gays.

And how we Queers are looking to get hold of the
government's money by getting all these benefits and
special rights.

And how this 'Agenda' is going to be forced down
the country's throat in an effort to legitimize homosexuality.

And then, they did the unthinkable, even for them.
(Although really it's an old ploy for these lying bastards.)
They immediately followed that story with a story about
child molesters using the Village Voice classified ads section
to promote child sex trade.

That's all it takes; just to connect the images of the two things
(which are completely unrelated) in the minds of the scared
and reactionary American public. These saps who believe that
Fox is fair and balanced, and think 'Focus on the Family' is
credible and well-minded.

I don't have a problem with people having an opinion, and
certainly not with expressing it as opinion. But when these
yahoos use lies and misinformation and scare tactics to create
an atmosphere of distrust and hatred, that's war.

And anything goes in war.

"The Hell you say!?!?"

People are still celebrating

and acknowledging

scummy and outdated

'Columbus Day'

 and the Queers don't get a day

off for National Coming Out Day?

Sounds like some Republican

horseshit

if you ask me!!

A Culture of Duplicity & Inauthentic Living

Former Governor of New Jersey,  James E. McGreevey is perhaps
best known for his startling declaration in 2004 that he was gay and
had been having an affair with a male staff member.

His book, "The Confession", is a gripping and revealing tale of
a man's upbringing and all the facets of living a double life. It's
excruciating to read of all the secrecy and lies that people still
endure in this 'modern' age.

My outlook over closeted public figures has softened somewhat
over the years. I do know there is more than one side to the
story of how people act and live. This book is making me even
more sympathetic to the plight of men and women in this dilemma.

My take has always been that just because I live my life openly
and on my sleeve, I have no expectation that there is only one
way to live as a gay man. (Or woman, or bi, what have you.)

In fact, the way I live is indicative of maybe only 10% of the gay
population. Most favor a quieter, more discreet life. A simpler
and less confrontational way of being. What I do is not about
critiquing anyone else, or suggesting a 'better' way; it's the way I
have to live. And I want to change things in this world do that
no one else has to live a life of desperation like the one McGreevey
so heartbreakingly demonstrates in his autobiography.

All of the hurdles of denying one's own affections, living a life
for others' needs instead of one's own, the lies, the constant fear;
it's all achingly detailed in an honest and straight-forward way that
is engaging and real. For anyone who has ever dealt with feelings
of difference, or being gay, or who knows someone gay, I urge you
to read this book.

It's a blueprint for an unfortunately huge segment of the populace
that we need to address. There are still far too many hurting souls
out there. It's a call for all of us to live a more truthful existence.

NEW YORK TIMES commentary

August 11, 2011

We Want Cake, Too

By JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN

Belgrade Lakes, Me.

A few years ago, I did an article on a ventriloquists' convention in Fort Mitchell, Ky., home to 8,000 souls and the Vent Haven Museum, where dummies go to die.

As a transgender woman, I felt strangely at home at this convocation of adorable misfits. Not only were there guys walking around with puppets, there was a Puppet Ministry run by a preacher who sold his own line of dummies (Satan was the most expensive).

There was this whole scene down in the bar after hours. One guy tried to pick me up using something he called "the muffle voice." People threw their voices. There were fights. One guy, staring into his beer, said, sadly, "A bunch of magicians in the same room? That's a conversation. A bunch of ventriloquists? That's an argument."

I thought of this line after New York passed its marriage-equality law in June. Since then, gay men and lesbians have been lining up from Fire Island to Niagara Falls in order to tie the knot.

As this wave of progress ripples through the country, though, one group of people has been prominently left behind. In conversations with transgender people, again and again, I hear the refrain: Enjoy your cake, folks. Meanwhile, the rest of us remain at risk for discrimination and violence.

More than a few transgender people feel they've been sold out by the gay-rights movement and lament the way the "T" in "L.G.B.T." always comes last. It makes me think, "A bunch of straight people in a room? That's a conversation. A bunch of L.G.B.T. people in a room? That's an argument."

When you look at the staggering statistics concerning the struggles of transgender people, it's easy to understand resentment over the amount of resources put into the fight for marriage rights. Transgender people, according to a nationwide study released early this year by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality, are nearly four times more likely to live in poverty than the general population. Forty-one percent of respondents reported attempting suicide; of those who came out as students, 78 percent reported harassment, 35 percent physical assault and 12 percent sexual violence. Nineteen percent said they had been homeless. Among transgender people of color, the numbers are even worse.

The right to marry clearly isn't the most urgent civil rights issue lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (L.G.B.T.) people face.

Still, it's not surprising that marriage rights came first. The lives of gay men and lesbians have finally become part of the fabric of American life. It seems to be harder for people to get their minds around the transgender experience. It takes a much larger leap of imagination for straight people to understand the difference between who you want to go to bed "with," and who you want to go to bed "as." Frequently, gay and lesbian people struggle with this distinction just as much as straight people do.

But if transgender people are sometimes at odds with their gay and lesbian allies, they're also at odds with themselves. The community is rife with disagreements about whether transsexuals (individuals who change, or wish to change, their gender via medical intervention, and whom some define as simply having a "birth challenge" like, say, a cleft palate) even ought to be grouped, politically, with "transgenders" (an umbrella term that includes cross-dressers and drag queens).

Whenever I hear about groups splintering into smaller factions, it's hard for me not to think of John Cleese in Monty Python's "Life of Brian," protesting that he's not with the Judean People's Front; he's with the People's Front of Judea. In short, infighting seems to guarantee that whatever progress is made for gay men and lesbians, transgender people will continue to lag behind.

We can't afford that. It is painful that the pressing issues of trans-rights seem forgotten beneath the din of wedding bells, but progress in civil rights can only come with the numbers and resources found in unity. Gay men and lesbians, for their part, ought to remember, on the way home from Niagara Falls, that it was drag queens and transsexuals at Stonewall who began this fight.

At that convention in Fort Mitchell, I met a female ventriloquist who was clearly one of my people. Among the crowds and wild-eyed talking figures, the two of us drew close. She said she'd read my memoir about my transition. I said, with a smile, "I think you and I have something in common."

But it was clear from her expression that whatever group she thought I belonged to, it was at odds with her own. Her dummy wiggled its wooden ears and looked at me with irritation and contempt. "Why Jenny Boylan," it said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jennifer Finney Boylan, the author, most recently, of "Falcon Quinn and the Crimson Vapor," serves on the board of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and is a guest columnist.