Thinking Back...The Manifestation of 'The Third Sex'

While 'Other boys my age'

(bully for them!)

were rocking out to their in-unison

worship of KISS, Queen, Led Zeppelin,

Billy Idol and The Eagles,

I had magazines and pictures and albums and,

yes--sleeping bags and pajamas--

for an array of fantastic female artists!

Linda Ronstadt, Lynda Carter,

Pat Benatar, Kim Carnes, Melissa

Manchester, Anne Murray, Donna Summer

and Olivia Newton John were my inspiration...

quite unapologetically, thank you very much.

By the posters and pinned up articles I kept,

the writing was literally on the wall for this boy!

(And, oh, how many of us learned how to be defiant

and sassy watching the Black Female Elite of screens

large and small? From the sassy mouths of Nell Carter,

Shirley Hemphill, Marla Gibbs, Lawanda Page and more

we learned how to speak up and be unafraid!)

What I didn't know at the time, in the very plain

suburbs of the South, surrounded by all that

testosterone and incompatibility, was that all around

the world were my fellows developing exactly the same

sensibilities!

That we, the select Homo-Elite, were finding our answers

to 'Differentness' under the banner of strong and proud

women...and that it was our shared media, even if invisibly

across the airwaves and on magazine covers.

Not every little gay boy found such warmth and comfort

in the images of Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman

and powerful female vocalists and the like, but those of us\

that did (long before internet or openly gay kids or       )

have a rich and shared history of 'weathering the storm'

of loneliness by connecting to those outside our sphere...

and discovering like concepts and fringe meaning!

***************************************

Exodus International closes doors, offers 'Apology'

The following (below in blue lettering) is the letter in whole, which
I clipped from the website Freedom Requires Wings , an incredible
website I highly recommend to all! (Thanks!)

I don't include it here because the apology means shit to me.
But it may mean something to millions of others hurt and destroyed
by the manipulations, fraud, and abuse conducted by this organization
and all the humans that ran it for the last several decades, even after it
was clear how wrong they were.

Maybe this will mean closure for some.
Maybe it will be long-sought vindication.
Perhaps it will assist healing.

I would hope that the peace of finally being told "Hey--you're not crazy--
you were right! And we took something very precious from you." might
be of some solace to many. A drop in the bucket, and long overdue, but
solace nonetheless.

I had my own experiences with Exodus at a young and vulnerable age,
and I have recounted that elsewhere. Suffice it to say it did great harm
and I am still recovering.

I'm printing this letter not to ask for forgiveness, but to let folks know;
all the lies told have now been exposed. All the other agencies and groups
and 'rehab centers' run by the Bachmanns and others are the same or worse.
There is no 'cure,' save self-acceptance and peace within self (and the utter
destruction of sexually-repressed and hateful religious fanatics and zealots.)

It's a long, hard road, and it starts with no longer buying into the lies.

**********************************************************


To Members of the LGBTQ Community:

In 1993 I caused a four-car pileup. In a hurry to get to a friend’s house, I was driving when a bee started buzzing around the inside of my windshield. I hit the bee and it fell on the dashboard. A minute later it started buzzing again with a fury. Trying to swat it again I completely missed the fact that a city bus had stopped three cars in front of me. I also missed that those three cars were stopping, as well. Going 40 miles an hour I slammed into the car in front of me causing a chain reaction. I was injured and so were several others. I never intended for the accident to happen. I would never have knowingly hurt anyone. But I did. And it was my fault. In my rush to get to my destination, fear of being stung by a silly bee, and selfish distraction, I injured others.

I have no idea if any of the people injured in that accident have suffered long term effects. While I did not mean to hurt them, I did. The fact that my heart wasn’t malicious did not lessen their pain or their suffering. I am very sorry that I chose to be distracted that fall afternoon, and that I caused so much damage to people and property. If I could take it all back I absolutely would. But I cannot. I pray that everyone involved in the crash has been restored to health.

Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me.

And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.

Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt another person. Yet, here I sit having hurt so many by failing to acknowledge the pain some affiliated with Exodus International caused, and by failing to share the whole truth about my own story. My good intentions matter very little and fail to diminish the pain and hurt others have experienced on my watch. The good that we have done at Exodus is overshadowed by all of this.

Friends and critics alike have said it’s not enough to simply change our message or website. I agree. I cannot simply move on and pretend that I have always been the friend that I long to be today. I understand why I am distrusted and why Exodus is hated.

Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.

More than anything, I am sorry that so many have interpreted this religious rejection by Christians as God’s rejection. I am profoundly sorry that many have walked away from their faith and that some have chosen to end their lives. For the rest of my life I will proclaim nothing but the whole truth of the Gospel, one of grace, mercy and open invitation to all to enter into an inseverable relationship with almighty God.

I cannot apologize for my deeply held biblical beliefs about the boundaries I see in scripture surrounding sex, but I will exercise my beliefs with great care and respect for those who do not share them. I cannot apologize for my beliefs about marriage. But I do not have any desire to fight you on your beliefs or the rights that you seek. My beliefs about these things will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself.

You have never been my enemy. I am very sorry that I have been yours. I hope the changes in my own life, as well as the ones we announce tonight regarding Exodus International, will bring resolution, and show that I am serious in both my regret and my offer of friendship. I pledge that future endeavors will be focused on peace and common good.

Moving forward, we will serve in our pluralistic culture by hosting thoughtful and safe conversations about gender and sexuality, while partnering with others to reduce fear, inspire hope, and cultivate human flourishing.

Alan Chambers

*******************************************************************************

* see also related blog "God & Gays" on OWN

Truth Comes Out, Along with 'Ex-Gays'



John Paulk finally renounces his renounced gay past

You say "ex-gay" and all I hear is

"SUPER-Fag"

(as in "Super-Fag-Still-Likes-His-Dick-Licks,

'Ex-Gays'-Lie-Atrocious!")

or

"What department store men's room will I haunt today?"

Stop a hailstorm! Reshape Reality! Choose who lives
and who dies! Or just swap out which sex gets you hard!
The Power of Insanity and Wishful Thinking!

***

Break Those Bonds

The most insidious part of Homophobia and Hatred?

The hate, disgust, derision, and disrespect that spreads
like a sickness.....is a sickness they have spread to us.

The most important part of Homophobia, Hatred, and Lies?

We are not bound to it any longer...
and never have to be held down again.

We are Free...the moment we choose to stop listening...
and learn to love ourselves, as is.

**********************************************************

Context

When listening to brain-dead sheep who

wish to perpetrate their misleading and mistaken

views upon my body, I try to keep firmly in mind

just how ludicrous their argument, its basis, its

perceived legitimacy, and its followers are.

Usually, that does the trick.

But if they're persistent bastards, I know

talking sense won't sway them and that I

am more familiar with their own tome than they are,

so what is my recourse?

Walking away might be the prudent option, but the

dramatist in me wants to have that perfect

"Oh, Snap!" moment of potentially 'going viral'

capacity.

I guess the only thing really to say is "Who the fuck do

you think you are?!?!"

***

Simplicity, Personified

Whether it's one moment, one night,

a few months of bliss, or a lifetime,

each man and each woman's body and soul

is theirs to follow and respect as they choose.

Fearlessness in the face of judgment and cruelty

is a noble path.

Following one's feelings is a beautiful thing.

Choosing to live free, rather than in hiding,

is courageous and trying.

'Losing your shit because other people

are living their own lives and not under your

control;' always a dick move, exclusively reserved

for Asshole Supremes.

(Isn't it ironic that with all their talk of love,

they continue to screech and condemn and bluster?
'Jesus' must not grant the peace and calm they claim!)

****

What Lies Beneath: Gore Vidal, 1925-2012

Gore Vidal passed away recently.

It's been a bad time for the entertainment and arts industries

all the way around, considering losses.

But, Vidal had a long, prosperous, and effective life

and career, and that's the best thing you can

say when someone has ceased breath.

If you were not aware, Vidal was a longtime,

preeminent writer, contrarian, essayist,

and (in a fashion,) activist.

His first novel was published in 1946, when

Gore was only 20 years old, and in some capacity

or another he continued to be prominent and

vocal ever since.

His third novel, "The City and the Pillar," was one

that revolutionized the public idea of homosexuality, set off

a firestorm of controversy, and cemented Vidal in

the public mind as two things; a great writer who

did not avoid controversy, and someone who would

never gain public office in his lifetime.

Vidal was one of only a handful, really, of 'openly

gay' writers (given the disproportionately high

number of writers who are gay!) in a time

when writing was still a talent, a calling, an esteemed

profession, a distinguished and noble path.

Back when evidence of one's orientation was

not openly discussed, even in fields such

as theatre, literary circles, and celluloid.

Vidal had a notion of homosexuality that reflected the

times he grew up in, despite his outspokenness

and courage. The one thing I will always recall

is how he articulated the final days of his partner

of 50 years, Howard Austen, in his memoirs

("Point to Point Navigation") where Vidal plainly

states that he kissed Howard on the lips as he lay on

what was to become his deathbed, and this was the first

time he had ever done so.

Fifty years of companionship and love, and even

in the privacy of their home, the two never

gave the most intimate reflection of devotion

or affection.

This man who crusaded, broke barriers, dared to

speak freely, who told mostly-all....and even he

was still a made man, unable to fully embrace his

true self.

This is the nature of what the world does to us;

building cages that we carry around ourselves.

Vidal had a view of homosexuality not as identity,

but based on actions. In ways, I agree with such a fluid,

more easily-promoted view....but I question the

validity of parts of it. It doesn't diminish his impact

to say that this seems a rather disingenuous claim

by someone trying to assert his 'normalcy' a

bit too loudly perhaps. Someone immersed in disconnect.

In the entire world wide web, I could not find one

picture of the two men, partners for some five decades,

together as a couple.

That isn't coincidence.

It's condemnation of a world that has failed to move

forward, and our complicity in those transgressions.

Official Gore Vidal Website

****

Perspective

"Lies and Lunacy" - (Battling) The religious and conservative on homosexuality

Here's a good feed of multiple humorous and serious commentary in response
to the outbreak of Cray-Cray in the media in recent months!

(When the first one is over, the next in Que will automatically play). I find it
heartening to see all the good work being done around the globe by some
very talented, very spirited ladies and fellows, in promoting common sense
and decency!

Stand Up, Speak Out, Live Free!

**********************************************************