Saturday, December 31, 2011

Teach The Children Well

"A New Creation"
So what are you resolved to change this year?
Hell, just today?

If you don't make a plan, then you're open to anything
happening, and it'll definitely happen to you, not for you.
You can't leave life to chance.

So you want things to 'get better.' Or you want to
'handle yourself better' in the future?
Sounds great, but let's get specific.

If you need some ideas for specific changes that
will matter, look no further.

New Day Resolutions for a New Creation!

1.  Don't lay down.
No matter how scared or how outnumbered,
you can't let people see you as a doormat.
If they already have that perception, there's no time like
the present to change it. Even if it's just a matter of not
giving up, and ignoring juvenile taunts and jibes. It's
not what gets said; it's what you believe that matters.
If you know someone to be a troglodyte slob, what does
it matter what they say?

People will treat you like a victim so long as you
inform them through your actions--or inaction--
that it is permissible.

This doesn't mean going Columbine in the hallways;
standing up for self can be words, taking action with
officials, getting creative, or even taking a swing if
all else fails. If someone is hurting you and nothing
is being done about it, you have the Right to fight back.

2. Take care of yourself.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Eat right, exercise, see a therapist, work out aggression
in productive ways, create, journal, find friends, have
hobbies, look good, listen to positive and supportive
music, and so forth.

You have to live the life you want and enjoy it.
If you let other people influence the quality of
your life, they win. Even if you are tentative and meek
at first, do your own thing. Don't let any area of your
life be unfulfilled or unattended.

3. Follow your heart.
Fitting in is so incredibly over-rated. Wear what you
want, speak how you speak, feel what you feel, and
be your true self. Even if it makes you stand out,
you have to have the strength to be yourself.
Because long after high school (or a job,
or a living arrangement, etc) is over, you will always
have yourself to depend on. Make it a relationship
that matters.

You are the most important person in your world.
Everyone else is secondary, and the people who don't
love and respect you? They don't matter at all in the
scheme of things. Certainly don't revolve your life or
your actions around them! Do your own thing.

4. Release, don't suppress.
It's the pushing down and suppressing of emotions
and feelings that causes real problems. Just because
there is opposition from people does not mean they
are right or insurmountable. Speak, though your
voice may quake, (as the saying goes.)

Better out than in. You have a right to be heard, you have
a right to your opinion, and you have a right to defend
yourself. Stand up. Speak up. You don't have to go crazy;
strength is in the doing and standing tall, not in breaking
stuff or cussing. It's consistency and clarity that can win it,
not raging or threatening.
(Though there may be times when going a little buck-wild
can have an impact, too!)

The point with all these suggestions is the same; you can make
a definitive change for the better at any point in your life.
It may seem whelming or frightening, but once done it gets easier.
Strength, just like fear, is contagious and cumulative.

Do what ya gotta do. We are stronger than we know, and we
can learn that at any time. If you want things to be better,
take an active participatory involvement in doing something
about it. You are in fact worth it, at any age.

Peace, and Happy New Year, my brothers and sisters!


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Egregious Offense

"But...but I'm a victim too! I can't be a bully!"

There's a trend in media of late to make those who have done wrong
take responsibility for their errors of form or judgment by
speaking on behalf of the offended party.
Yes, having the abusers counsel the abused child.

Pictured above is Isaiah Washington, former
star of 'Grey's Anatomy.' Now, some feel he got too
severe a hit for his outrageous on-set behavior and verbal
assault of gay co-star T.R. Knight.
There was a lot more to it than that.

First of all, in this particular instance, Washington was
well known as an equal opportunity asshole on set, frustrating
and offending most everyone. He had a history of violence
with coworkers. He denied he made the homophobic remark to
Knight after it happened the first time, and then there was a second

My issue, though, is thus; Washington was urged to make a
public apology (which clearly was not his choice.) Then he
was urged (for public relations purposes) to be in a PSA
(public service announcement) in favor of gay rights
and against defamation.

I don't want to see people who are playing a role
and using the parade float of current pro-gay support
(in Hollywood circles, at least) to advance themselves.
To get up and take lightly the real injustice and offense of
loaded anti-gay words is a double slap in the face.

But having offenders 'reach out' or perform public service
to those they have hurt seems the new trend, and it's a bad one.

I would rather have ten people come out and use Washington,
or Mel Gibson, or Ann Coulter, or Bill O'Reilly, or any other
knuckle-dragging scumbag as an example of what NOT to do,
chastise them for it, and promote the right thing to do.

I would rather run a campaign of "Who's Out Now" or
"Famous Gays in History" (do you know how many everyday people
don't know that Wilde, Liberace, or even Rock Hudson were
gay?) I'd rather see people who are truly enlightened doing
education. There are people in the hip-hop community, in
the rap community, amongst black athletes, and even black actors
who are pro gay. Get them. Because homophobia and contempt
 is an especially large problem still in the black and Latino

But I don't want reluctant participation for public relations.
It's the equivalent of having rapists counsel their victims.
The wounds are too deep, too recent, and too susceptible to]
reinjury. Let the ignorant be ignorant.
I like to know who people really are.
An insincere gesture is a hollow one indeed.


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Bondage is Not Acceptable

You Have The Right--
and the
To Protect Yourself
From Abuse.

Don't Let
Convince You Otherwise!

Speak Out...
Stand Up...
Preserve Your


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Let's Stop Pretending

"Should gay kids be controllable saps who make good doormats, expected to silently endure shit and not respond in kind?
The Hell you say!!!"

Let's stop pretending that being nice and calm gets equal
treatment in return.

The only message a bully understands is that his or her
target is no longer going to be victimized by them.

We MUST teach our youth to defend themselves on every
level. Obviously, even with support, these times are tough,
and take a physical and emotional toll on kids already
dealing with the stresses of being a teenager.

Even the biggest sissy or flamboyant queen can--and
should--learn to protect and defend themselves. There
are judo and karate and tae kwon do classes in many small
communities. There are boxing rings and tracks. There are gyms
and online classes, instructional videos, tutorials.

But even before we get to this point, how do we change
the inner emotional landscape? Because it's the programming
we have inside that has kept us submissive, passive, and weak.

We have generations of gays, lesbians, bi, trans folks
who have been systematically trained and conditioned
in every area of their lives to believe that they have nothing
to offer the world. That we are sub-par people, even. In
many circles, the argument extends to our being evil or ungodly.
And this message is delivered covertly and overtly in a variety
of ways every single day. This political season is proving
especially harmful with all the deceit and hate being bandied
about for the sake of ill-gotten votes.

Having rejected religion and its false gods as ridiculous
superstition and supernatural conjecture, these myths
have no sway over me. But for many who are embedded in
a religious family or a church, where religion and 'belief' is
a lifestyle of fanatical observance, these promotions are
harmful indeed. These notions are looked on as 'fact' rather
than opinion. Science and common sense matter very little
to someone who is having their thinking done for them.

We must address the esteem issue, and where it originates.
The lack of connectedness is a real and damaging problem.
At the fragile stages of not being fully developed in self or in
standing up for self or having had enough chances to strengthen
confidence and competence, the overwhelmingly negative images
and ideas that bombard these kids serve to erode the newly
blooming self-love.

Add to this that we are all bashed and broken from birth to
defer to the authority of a particular place or system, so if we
are not being protected in a school, church, family, we feel
powerless and without the 'right' to assert protection on our own.
Furthermore, the complicitness of authority to allow our abuse
sends a signal that we aren't worth protecting. Nothing could be
further from the truth. The lacking of public officials highlights
their incompetence and shame, not ours.

We have to teach them to know and love and embrace
themselves fully, so that they know they are worth protecting.
They must overcome the intimidation of a world and its
oppressors that promote the falsehood of gay people being

Let's stop pretending that there isn't a double standard in place.
Bullies--jackasses, violent people, poor communicators, scum,
religious terrorists, etc--seem to get a free pass in society because
people are either afraid of them or don't know what to do with
them, or both. But the rest of us, already the subject of a bully's 
taunts and harassment, are expected to take up the slack and
be the 'bigger' people. The good guys are expected to tolerate
and endure and smile sweetly and make a nice doormat while,
at best, fingers are wagged and empty scoldings are leveled at

This is the way it has been for some time. There is a sense of
avoiding the reality of the hierarchy of the world; that might
does in fact tend to make right. (But let a 'victim' lash out or
fight back, defending themselves; then all holy Hell breaks
loose!) Why is it that it becomes acceptable with repetition
for a bully to do certain actions, and people become resigned
to it and even apologist for it, but a defensive strike against
these very actions draws excited fury? Like I said; double
standards, hypocrisy, unfairness.

Here's a tough pill; the world is full of those things. It's the
nature of the beast. But we still have to fight the battle.
We still have to take the battle to them. Zero tolerance
policies are important. Education and advocacy and
outreach are important. But the real battles are within.

However, Will Rogers said it so well;
"You can't legislate intelligence and common sense."

So we bear down and accept that the world can suck
and be unfair; and we recognize that we MORE than have
a right to be alive in it.  We MORE than have a right to live
well and be treated well. We have to aggressively learn a
better defense; think outside the box, stop passively awaiting
help to come from outside sources. Our hero is within. It
always has been...we just weren't taught that.

Stop striking in. Throw off the shackles;
Embrace your greatness, refute the lies.
Know your power.
You can do this.