NEW YORK TIMES commentary

August 11, 2011

We Want Cake, Too

By JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN

Belgrade Lakes, Me.

A few years ago, I did an article on a ventriloquists' convention in Fort Mitchell, Ky., home to 8,000 souls and the Vent Haven Museum, where dummies go to die.

As a transgender woman, I felt strangely at home at this convocation of adorable misfits. Not only were there guys walking around with puppets, there was a Puppet Ministry run by a preacher who sold his own line of dummies (Satan was the most expensive).

There was this whole scene down in the bar after hours. One guy tried to pick me up using something he called "the muffle voice." People threw their voices. There were fights. One guy, staring into his beer, said, sadly, "A bunch of magicians in the same room? That's a conversation. A bunch of ventriloquists? That's an argument."

I thought of this line after New York passed its marriage-equality law in June. Since then, gay men and lesbians have been lining up from Fire Island to Niagara Falls in order to tie the knot.

As this wave of progress ripples through the country, though, one group of people has been prominently left behind. In conversations with transgender people, again and again, I hear the refrain: Enjoy your cake, folks. Meanwhile, the rest of us remain at risk for discrimination and violence.

More than a few transgender people feel they've been sold out by the gay-rights movement and lament the way the "T" in "L.G.B.T." always comes last. It makes me think, "A bunch of straight people in a room? That's a conversation. A bunch of L.G.B.T. people in a room? That's an argument."

When you look at the staggering statistics concerning the struggles of transgender people, it's easy to understand resentment over the amount of resources put into the fight for marriage rights. Transgender people, according to a nationwide study released early this year by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality, are nearly four times more likely to live in poverty than the general population. Forty-one percent of respondents reported attempting suicide; of those who came out as students, 78 percent reported harassment, 35 percent physical assault and 12 percent sexual violence. Nineteen percent said they had been homeless. Among transgender people of color, the numbers are even worse.

The right to marry clearly isn't the most urgent civil rights issue lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (L.G.B.T.) people face.

Still, it's not surprising that marriage rights came first. The lives of gay men and lesbians have finally become part of the fabric of American life. It seems to be harder for people to get their minds around the transgender experience. It takes a much larger leap of imagination for straight people to understand the difference between who you want to go to bed "with," and who you want to go to bed "as." Frequently, gay and lesbian people struggle with this distinction just as much as straight people do.

But if transgender people are sometimes at odds with their gay and lesbian allies, they're also at odds with themselves. The community is rife with disagreements about whether transsexuals (individuals who change, or wish to change, their gender via medical intervention, and whom some define as simply having a "birth challenge" like, say, a cleft palate) even ought to be grouped, politically, with "transgenders" (an umbrella term that includes cross-dressers and drag queens).

Whenever I hear about groups splintering into smaller factions, it's hard for me not to think of John Cleese in Monty Python's "Life of Brian," protesting that he's not with the Judean People's Front; he's with the People's Front of Judea. In short, infighting seems to guarantee that whatever progress is made for gay men and lesbians, transgender people will continue to lag behind.

We can't afford that. It is painful that the pressing issues of trans-rights seem forgotten beneath the din of wedding bells, but progress in civil rights can only come with the numbers and resources found in unity. Gay men and lesbians, for their part, ought to remember, on the way home from Niagara Falls, that it was drag queens and transsexuals at Stonewall who began this fight.

At that convention in Fort Mitchell, I met a female ventriloquist who was clearly one of my people. Among the crowds and wild-eyed talking figures, the two of us drew close. She said she'd read my memoir about my transition. I said, with a smile, "I think you and I have something in common."

But it was clear from her expression that whatever group she thought I belonged to, it was at odds with her own. Her dummy wiggled its wooden ears and looked at me with irritation and contempt. "Why Jenny Boylan," it said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jennifer Finney Boylan, the author, most recently, of "Falcon Quinn and the Crimson Vapor," serves on the board of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and is a guest columnist.

The Pendulum

We need to be cautious and smart in the days that
come, because danger is unfortunately looming.

Throughout history, there has always been significant
backlash whenever society lurches forward against
the wishes of certain parties.

With all the changes in military policy regarding
gays and lesbians, advances in the right to marry,
visible strength in the rise of the gay-straight
alliances, sports stars and politicians in support
of gay rights and protection, and the anti-bullying
campaigns continuing to gain momentum,
many who oppose gays and lesbians are truly
'sick of hearing about it.'

When social progress pushes through, there will
always be an equal and opposite resistance to
it. Add to that the violent and hateful guttural
response that people in this country have towards
the mere idea of homosexuality, and there is a
tempest in a tea pot. (Allusion intentional.)

With the influence of extremists and the religious,
there is a lot of fear and misinformation and absolutism
afoot. It all makes for a lot of sick folks who are
looking for a place to have their 'voice' heard.

SPLC reports attacks on gays and lesbians up
significantly this last year. (And with worsening
economic conditions and other uncontrollable
circumstances burdening people, everyone loves a
good scapegoat.)

Attacks and vandalism surrounding pride parades
this year were insane.

All the nut ball Republican candidates are out to
get us with both barrels...literally, it seems.

These people know that there are freaks like the
Norway shooter out in the crowd, soaking up their
rhetoric and hate speech....and they play to it.
The fanatics are the core base for this new group
of wing nuts. It's a dangerous game, and all they have
to do is play innocent when someone gets hurt or
dies.

The attacks will be more outspoken.
The attackers will be without remorse.
We will be blamed for causing our own pain.

They feel attacked by virtue of our being treated
appropriately. They feel justified by their dislike,
supported by a twisted version of a divine creator.
They see themselves as inherently right, and us
as a 'cause'--not human beings--to be stopped.

So be wary....be on guard. We can't let them make
us stop living our lives, but just be alert and know that
with great freedom and respect come more obstacles
and threats. Such is life in these Un-tied States.

Peace...

HEARTSTRONG letter

July 21, 2011

I was a senior religion major at a major Christian university studying for ministry. I felt that this was the plan for my life. I had always known I was gay but was terrified to ever entertain the homosexual thoughts and feelings in my mind. It was at this juncture in my life that I knew I had to deal with these feelings. I had come to the place where I could barely make myself get out of bed due to depression caused by the "sinfulness" of my thoughts. I contemplated suicide but could never bring myself to do it. I felt I had no place to turn. I did not dare reveal my secret to anyone for fear of being discovered or worse yet, kicked out.

I decided to maintain my secret and seek counseling. I traveled 200 miles once a week for about three weeks. I could not afford the gas. The counseling was supposed to convince me of the sinfulness of my homosexuality and reform me to the point of being able to start my own traditional family consisting of a wife and children. Exhausted I sought help from an online exgay service. My counselor was a man who had been a Baptist minister. He had been caught in the act of homosexuality an immediately removed from his position. He informed me of outlets and support groups offered by exgay groups. The more I read the more I was convinced that it wasn't so much about change as it was about repression.

I knew there had to be some organization that was committed to the support of homosexuals seeking help. I decided to begin that search. Online, I found an organization called HeartStrong. I sent an email describing my situation and myself. I received a warm and understanding response from Marc Adams. He assured me that my feelings were natural and were not sinful or wrong. He sent me a free copy of his own story, a book called, The Preacher's Son. I was so anxious to read it. It seemed unimaginable that another person could share my feelings and situation. When I got the book, I hurried to my dorm room and began reading it. It was inscribed "When your heart is strong, you're never alone."

Four hours later I completed the book without any breaks. I was so absorbed by the text, so much that I felt it was my own story sometimes. After reading it, I knew I had to free the captive inside me. I decided to return to my hometown. Shortly after that I began coming out to my family and friends. Many abandoned me and one even vocalized their wish for my death. I was disappointed and hurt but my mind often reflected back to Marc's story and the kindness of the people at HeartStrong. It was there that I found comfort and solace.

Nearly two years have passed since I came out to my supposed friends and family. I am living a full and happy life as a gay man with new friends and family that go beyond the boundaries of blood relations. This would not have been possible without the help of HeartStrong. I am forever grateful.

Kevin Lawling

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NOTE FROM HEARTSTRONG PRESIDENT, Dr. Shelley Craig

Kevin's story is not unusual. For early 15 years HeartStrong has provided hope and help for students just like Kevin. Students who struggle with self-acceptance and the ordeal of after effects from family members who choose to make coming out a discussion/debate instead of an announcement.

It does not take much to give someone hope. We have spent the past 15 years opening the door for over 1000 students who feel that there is no hope to be found.

We cannot do this without you, our HeartStrong Friends. We provide our life saving materials without you.

For those who have given, thank you. For those who will give , thank you.

If you are in any of the areas where we will have HeartStrong Forums as listed below, please come out to find out more about all that we are doing to save lives.

Dr. Shelley Craig
President, HeartStrong Inc.


2011 HeartStrong Forums

July 19 UU Church Longview TX
July 17 PFLAG Chicago IL
July 23 Michiana GLBT Center South Bend IN
July 24 PFLAG Oak Park IL
July 27 PFLAG Munster IN
August 2 UU Church/PFLAG Jefferson City MO
August 3 UU Church Columbia MO
August 4 PFLAG Belleville IL
August 7 PFLAG Hinsdale IL
August 8 Kalamazoo Public Library Kalamazoo MI
August 14 Elkhart IN
August 17 PFLAG South Orange County CA
August 18 PFLAG Simi Valley CA
August 23 PFLAG Whittier CA
August 28 UU Church La Crescenta CA
September 4 UU Church Las Vegas NV
September 6 PFLAG Modesto CA
September 11 PFLAG Napa CA
September 12 PFLAG Redwood City CA
September 14 PFLAG San Jose CA
September 18 PFLAG Philadelphia PA
September 19 PFLAG Collingswood PA
September 27 PFLAG Baltimore County MD
October 2 Wayne NJ
October 9 Albany NY
October 11 PFLAG Columbia MD
October 13 PFLAG Wilmington DE
October 16 UU Church Hunterdon County NJ
October 16 Somerset NJ
October 24 PFLAG Staten Island NY
November 12 Pittsburgh PA
December 4 Dahlonega GA
February 26 River of Grass UU Church Weston FL

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Minnesota school district lawsuit by SPLC

July 21, 2011

Dear Friend,

Today, we've filed a federal lawsuit to protect gay, lesbian and transgender students in a Minnesota school district where at least four LGBT students have died by suicide in the past two years.

The Anoka-Hennepin school district near Minneapolis is "ground zero" in our fight to stop the rampant bullying of LGBT students. Physical and verbal abuse has been allowed to flourish under the district's so-called "neutrality" policy.

The misguided policy stigmatizes LGBT students — casting them as pariahs who are not welcome in the school community, a message that encourages their abusers.

This bullying has devastating consequences, as the heartbreaking suicides in Anoka-Hennepin and elsewhere illustrate.

You can learn more about the situation in the Anoka-Hennepin school district in a special CNN investigative piece scheduled to air at 8 p.m. EDT on Sunday, July 24.

Our work would not be possible without the support of people like you. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of children who are suffering from bigotry and injustice.

Sincerely,

J. Richard Cohen

President, Southern Poverty Law Center


http://www.splcenter.org/?source=redirect&url=southernpovertylawcenter



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Breaking News; School Officials Increase LGBT protection

PRESS RELEASE


SAFEGUARDING AMERICAN VALUES FOR EVERYONE
PRESS CONTACT:
CJ ORTUNO
(305) 751-7283
cj@savedade.org

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


THURSDAY, JULY 21, 2011


BREAKING: MIAMI-DADE SCHOOL OFFICIALS INCREASE PROTECTIONS FOR LGBT STUDENTS

Miami-Dade, FL – Three years after Florida passed the Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act, which prohibits the bullying or harassment, including cyber bullying, of any public K-12 student or employee, Miami-Dade County Administration amended their policy to be explicitly inclusive of students who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT). The policy will now include “sexual orientation and gender identity” providing clearer protections for LGBT students.

“For the past year we’ve focused on strengthening Miami-Dade’s anti-bullying policy as a way to create a climate where bullying a student because of their real or perceived sexual orientation and/or gender identity is no longer tolerated,” said C.J. Ortuno, executive director of SAVE Dade. SAVE Dade worked with their partner the ACLU of Florida in developing the policy’s new language.

“The most common forms of bullying and harassment in Florida schools, and across the country, are based on actual or perceived sexual orientation, gender identity, and physical appearance,” said Shelbi Day, ACLU of Florida LGBT Project Attorney. “Although the state anti-bullying law clearly prohibits bullying and harassment of any students, it is imperative that individual school district policies make clear that bullying and harassment of LGBT students is prohibited and will not be tolerated. This is a critical step in making Florida schools truly safe for all students.”

According to GLSEN’s 2009 National School Climate Survey 7,261 middle and high school students found that nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT students (84.6%) experienced harassment at school in the previous year. Miami-Dade County provides significant support through public school programs and nonprofit organizations for LGBT students.

Suzy Milano, Director of Mental Health and Crisis Management Services for Miami-Dade County Public Schools and Coordinator of the District’s Sexual Minority Network said, “Our work provides prevention and intervention services that promotes awareness, diversity, and acceptance in the fourth largest school district in the country.” Ms. Milano’s project is unique to Florida’s school systems with services focused on protecting students from bullying in schools. Milano also credits SAVE Dade’s technical support as being critical to the policy’s success. The amendment took place during a county wide update aimed at improving and streamlining many of the school district’s administrative policies.

Whereas policy is an important factor in providing anti-bullying protections, it is one of several actions being taken to protect the interest of all students. “To confront bullying head on, we need a balanced approach by passing effective policy and offering programs that educate faculty/administration; removes barriers for reporting; and provides support and safety for all affected students,” said Carla Silva, executive director of the Alliance for GLBTQ Youth. Silva’s organization takes a holistic approach by integrating education, advocacy, and services into programming that helps our LGBT students.

“SAVE Dade’s contribution is to strengthen policies in hope that it provides some clarity for adults and students on the frontlines of bullying – if a teacher knows and understands that gay students are explicitly protected from bullying, it could result in a report that saves a young person’s life,” said Ortuno.

The new policy updates will go into effect Friday, July 22, 2011. An English version will be posted on the school board’s website at that time, with Spanish and Creole versions to follow.

The new policy language will read:

"Bullying, Harassment, Cyberbullying, and Discrimination (as referred to and defined herein) encompasses, but is not limited to, unwanted harm towards a student or employee based on or with regard to actual or perceived: sex, race, color, religion, national origin, age, disability (physical, mental, or educational), marital status, socio-economic background, ancestry, ethnicity, gender, gender identity or expression, linguistic preference, political beliefs, sexual orientation, or social/family background. This policy prohibits bullying or harassment of any student by any Board member, District employee, consultant, contractor, agent, visitor, volunteer, student, or other person in the school or outside of the school at school-sponsored events, on school buses, and at training facilities or training programs sponsored by the District."

SAVE Dade's mission is to promote, protect and defend equality for people in Miami-Dade County who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. Established in 1993, SAVE Dade accomplishes this mission through education initiatives, outreach, grassroots organizing, and advocacy. Starting with the landmark passage of Miami's Human Rights Ordinance in 1998 to recent enactments of domestic partner benefit policies, SAVE continues to lead the fight for LGBT equality in Miami-Dade County through grassroots action focused on civil rights, parental rights, and relationship recognition through political advocacy, community outreach, and candidate endorsements.

Paid for by SAVE Dade

4500 Biscayne Blvd

Suite 340

Miami, FL 33137

Equal Time

http://www.ajc.com/sports/atlanta-falcons/michael-irvin-appears-on-1012516.html

Here's a really good article about Michael Irving appearing on
the cover of the latest issue of OUT magazine.

As a friend pointed out, a straight black man appearing on
the cover of a national LGBT mag is major, and a big step up
for the black community.

Certainly there's a lot of damage to be undone by the likes of
David Tyree as a mouthpiece for NOM. Black folks have
been notoriously bad about anti-gay sentiment, confusingly
so based on their own experiences with prejudice, so here's
hoping this provides some help with that.

The article features some interesting bits, including
Irvin coming to terms with his own homophobia.

To read the article in its entirety online, go to:
http://www.out.com/index.asp?

NPR: The Teacher Learns a Lesson; Coming Out in Class

http://www.npr.org/2011/06/24/137368356/the-teacher-learns-a-lesson-coming-out-in-class

Here's a good story about being a role model by simply living your life openly.

Thanks to National Public Radio for doing the story; you can read it or
listen to it at the website.