Showing posts with label gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Thinking Back...The Manifestation of 'The Third Sex'



While 'Other boys my age'
(bully for them!)
were rocking out to their in-unison
worship of KISS, Queen, Led Zeppelin,
Billy Idol and The Eagles,
I had magazines and pictures and albums and,
yes--sleeping bags and pajamas--
for an array of fantastic female artists!


Linda Ronstadt, Lynda Carter,
Pat Benatar, Kim Carnes, Melissa
Manchester, Anne Murray, Donna Summer
and Olivia Newton John were my inspiration...
quite unapologetically, thank you very much.
By the posters and pinned up articles I kept,
the writing was literally on the wall for this boy!

(And, oh, how many of us learned how to be defiant
and sassy watching the Black Female Elite of screens
large and small? From the sassy mouths of Nell Carter,
Shirley Hemphill, Marla Gibbs, Lawanda Page and more
we learned how to speak up and be unafraid!)

What I didn't know at the time, in the very plain
suburbs of the South, surrounded by all that
testosterone and incompatibility, was that all around
the world were my fellows developing exactly the same
sensibilities!
That we, the select Homo-Elite, were finding our answers
to 'Differentness' under the banner of strong and proud
women...and that it was our shared media, even if invisibly
across the airwaves and on magazine covers.

Not every little gay boy found such warmth and comfort
in the images of Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman
and powerful female vocalists and the like, but those of us\
that did (long before internet or openly gay kids or       )
have a rich and shared history of 'weathering the storm'
of loneliness by connecting to those outside our sphere...
and discovering like concepts and fringe meaning!

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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Exodus International closes doors, offers 'Apology'


The following (below in blue lettering) is the letter in whole, which
I clipped from the website Freedom Requires Wings , an incredible
website I highly recommend to all! (Thanks!)

I don't include it here because the apology means shit to me.
But it may mean something to millions of others hurt and destroyed
by the manipulations, fraud, and abuse conducted by this organization
and all the humans that ran it for the last several decades, even after it
was clear how wrong they were.

Maybe this will mean closure for some.
Maybe it will be long-sought vindication.
Perhaps it will assist healing.

I would hope that the peace of finally being told "Hey--you're not crazy--
you were right! And we took something very precious from you." might
be of some solace to many. A drop in the bucket, and long overdue, but
solace nonetheless.

I had my own experiences with Exodus at a young and vulnerable age,
and I have recounted that elsewhere. Suffice it to say it did great harm
and I am still recovering.

I'm printing this letter not to ask for forgiveness, but to let folks know;
all the lies told have now been exposed. All the other agencies and groups
and 'rehab centers' run by the Bachmanns and others are the same or worse.
There is no 'cure,' save self-acceptance and peace within self (and the utter
destruction of sexually-repressed and hateful religious fanatics and zealots.)

It's a long, hard road, and it starts with no longer buying into the lies.

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To Members of the LGBTQ Community:

In 1993 I caused a four-car pileup. In a hurry to get to a friend’s house, I was driving when a bee started buzzing around the inside of my windshield. I hit the bee and it fell on the dashboard. A minute later it started buzzing again with a fury. Trying to swat it again I completely missed the fact that a city bus had stopped three cars in front of me. I also missed that those three cars were stopping, as well. Going 40 miles an hour I slammed into the car in front of me causing a chain reaction. I was injured and so were several others. I never intended for the accident to happen. I would never have knowingly hurt anyone. But I did. And it was my fault. In my rush to get to my destination, fear of being stung by a silly bee, and selfish distraction, I injured others.

I have no idea if any of the people injured in that accident have suffered long term effects. While I did not mean to hurt them, I did. The fact that my heart wasn’t malicious did not lessen their pain or their suffering. I am very sorry that I chose to be distracted that fall afternoon, and that I caused so much damage to people and property. If I could take it all back I absolutely would. But I cannot. I pray that everyone involved in the crash has been restored to health.

Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me.

And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.

Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt another person. Yet, here I sit having hurt so many by failing to acknowledge the pain some affiliated with Exodus International caused, and by failing to share the whole truth about my own story. My good intentions matter very little and fail to diminish the pain and hurt others have experienced on my watch. The good that we have done at Exodus is overshadowed by all of this.

Friends and critics alike have said it’s not enough to simply change our message or website. I agree. I cannot simply move on and pretend that I have always been the friend that I long to be today. I understand why I am distrusted and why Exodus is hated.

Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.

More than anything, I am sorry that so many have interpreted this religious rejection by Christians as God’s rejection. I am profoundly sorry that many have walked away from their faith and that some have chosen to end their lives. For the rest of my life I will proclaim nothing but the whole truth of the Gospel, one of grace, mercy and open invitation to all to enter into an inseverable relationship with almighty God.

I cannot apologize for my deeply held biblical beliefs about the boundaries I see in scripture surrounding sex, but I will exercise my beliefs with great care and respect for those who do not share them. I cannot apologize for my beliefs about marriage. But I do not have any desire to fight you on your beliefs or the rights that you seek. My beliefs about these things will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself.

You have never been my enemy. I am very sorry that I have been yours. I hope the changes in my own life, as well as the ones we announce tonight regarding Exodus International, will bring resolution, and show that I am serious in both my regret and my offer of friendship. I pledge that future endeavors will be focused on peace and common good.

Moving forward, we will serve in our pluralistic culture by hosting thoughtful and safe conversations about gender and sexuality, while partnering with others to reduce fear, inspire hope, and cultivate human flourishing.

Alan Chambers

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* see also related blog "God & Gays" on OWN






Friday, March 29, 2013

"Girl You Know It's True...."


If the 'Son of God' were to
make a magical appearance
in these modern times,
you SO know he would be
a left-leaning Marxist
hustled-out Hollywood actor
with a sashay-shante' Fabulous
Gay Glow!

You GO Boy!
Represent!


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Friday, August 17, 2012

Great LGBT Comedians: Mario Cantone does Vagina Monologues



Warning; Frank and hilarious--Not for the easily-offended!

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Saturday, June 2, 2012

Big Gay '80s Flashback Fridays: Tears for Fears



Yes, dears, I am--believe it or not--aware that it isn't Friday!
I'm not that far gone...yet!

But in my defense, the damned holiday screwed me up, and it felt like

today was Friday! (Hey, that's gotta count for something, right?
Or is it just a 'blonde' moment?)
("Yes, occifer, I know it was 90 mph, but it felt like 55. We're good, right?")

Anyway, hope your weekends are a smashing success, and here's a
little flashback kick-off to some superior times in music, when queer
visibility was a big deal, and these guys made a big difference. Peace.

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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

'Alone' is not the onus we imagine


We are capable
of whatever we
choose to be.

Every adversity,
every challenge,
every hurt
strengthens us.

From any point
of doubt or
weakness,
we only have
to believe
in ourselves...
in our abilities.

Especially when no
one else does.

Approval,
acceptance,
and assistance
are all wonderful,
but not required
for success.
(Stop looking to others,
and give them to
yourself.)

The only one who needs
to understand us,
is us.

Trudge on.

***

Friday, July 22, 2011

HEARTSTRONG letter



July 21, 2011


I was a senior religion major at a major Christian university studying for ministry. I felt that this was the plan for my life. I had always known I was gay but was terrified to ever entertain the homosexual thoughts and feelings in my mind. It was at this juncture in my life that I knew I had to deal with these feelings. I had come to the place where I could barely make myself get out of bed due to depression caused by the "sinfulness" of my thoughts. I contemplated suicide but could never bring myself to do it. I felt I had no place to turn. I did not dare reveal my secret to anyone for fear of being discovered or worse yet, kicked out.

I decided to maintain my secret and seek counseling. I traveled 200 miles once a week for about three weeks. I could not afford the gas. The counseling was supposed to convince me of the sinfulness of my homosexuality and reform me to the point of being able to start my own traditional family consisting of a wife and children. Exhausted I sought help from an online exgay service. My counselor was a man who had been a Baptist minister. He had been caught in the act of homosexuality an immediately removed from his position. He informed me of outlets and support groups offered by exgay groups. The more I read the more I was convinced that it wasn't so much about change as it was about repression.

I knew there had to be some organization that was committed to the support of homosexuals seeking help. I decided to begin that search. Online, I found an organization called HeartStrong. I sent an email describing my situation and myself. I received a warm and understanding response from Marc Adams. He assured me that my feelings were natural and were not sinful or wrong. He sent me a free copy of his own story, a book called, The Preacher's Son. I was so anxious to read it. It seemed unimaginable that another person could share my feelings and situation. When I got the book, I hurried to my dorm room and began reading it. It was inscribed "When your heart is strong, you're never alone."

Four hours later I completed the book without any breaks. I was so absorbed by the text, so much that I felt it was my own story sometimes. After reading it, I knew I had to free the captive inside me. I decided to return to my hometown. Shortly after that I began coming out to my family and friends. Many abandoned me and one even vocalized their wish for my death. I was disappointed and hurt but my mind often reflected back to Marc's story and the kindness of the people at HeartStrong. It was there that I found comfort and solace.

Nearly two years have passed since I came out to my supposed friends and family. I am living a full and happy life as a gay man with new friends and family that go beyond the boundaries of blood relations. This would not have been possible without the help of HeartStrong. I am forever grateful.

Kevin Lawling

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NOTE FROM HEARTSTRONG PRESIDENT, Dr. Shelley Craig

Kevin's story is not unusual. For early 15 years HeartStrong has provided hope and help for students just like Kevin. Students who struggle with self-acceptance and the ordeal of after effects from family members who choose to make coming out a discussion/debate instead of an announcement.

It does not take much to give someone hope. We have spent the past 15 years opening the door for over 1000 students who feel that there is no hope to be found.

We cannot do this without you, our HeartStrong Friends. We provide our life saving materials without you.

For those who have given, thank you. For those who will give , thank you.

If you are in any of the areas where we will have HeartStrong Forums as listed below, please come out to find out more about all that we are doing to save lives.

Dr. Shelley Craig
President, HeartStrong Inc.


2011 HeartStrong Forums

July 19 UU Church Longview TX
July 17 PFLAG Chicago IL
July 23 Michiana GLBT Center South Bend IN
July 24 PFLAG Oak Park IL
July 27 PFLAG Munster IN
August 2 UU Church/PFLAG Jefferson City MO
August 3 UU Church Columbia MO
August 4 PFLAG Belleville IL
August 7 PFLAG Hinsdale IL
August 8 Kalamazoo Public Library Kalamazoo MI
August 14 Elkhart IN
August 17 PFLAG South Orange County CA
August 18 PFLAG Simi Valley CA
August 23 PFLAG Whittier CA
August 28 UU Church La Crescenta CA
September 4 UU Church Las Vegas NV
September 6 PFLAG Modesto CA
September 11 PFLAG Napa CA
September 12 PFLAG Redwood City CA
September 14 PFLAG San Jose CA
September 18 PFLAG Philadelphia PA
September 19 PFLAG Collingswood PA
September 27 PFLAG Baltimore County MD
October 2 Wayne NJ
October 9 Albany NY
October 11 PFLAG Columbia MD
October 13 PFLAG Wilmington DE
October 16 UU Church Hunterdon County NJ
October 16 Somerset NJ
October 24 PFLAG Staten Island NY
November 12 Pittsburgh PA
December 4 Dahlonega GA
February 26 River of Grass UU Church Weston FL

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