Let's Stop Pretending

"Should gay kids be controllable saps who make good doormats, expected to silently endure shit and not respond in kind?
The Hell you say!!!"

Let's stop pretending that being nice and calm gets equal
treatment in return.


The only message a bully understands is that his or her
target is no longer going to be victimized by them.


We MUST teach our youth to defend themselves on every
level. Obviously, even with support, these times are tough,
and take a physical and emotional toll on kids already
dealing with the stresses of being a teenager.


Even the biggest sissy or flamboyant queen can--and
should--learn to protect and defend themselves. There
are judo and karate and tae kwon do classes in many small
communities. There are boxing rings and tracks. There are gyms
and online classes, instructional videos, tutorials.


But even before we get to this point, how do we change
the inner emotional landscape? Because it's the programming
we have inside that has kept us submissive, passive, and weak.


We have generations of gays, lesbians, bi, trans folks
who have been systematically trained and conditioned
in every area of their lives to believe that they have nothing
to offer the world. That we are sub-par people, even. In
many circles, the argument extends to our being evil or ungodly.
And this message is delivered covertly and overtly in a variety
of ways every single day. This political season is proving
especially harmful with all the deceit and hate being bandied
about for the sake of ill-gotten votes.

Having rejected religion and its false gods as ridiculous
superstition and supernatural conjecture, these myths
have no sway over me. But for many who are embedded in
a religious family or a church, where religion and 'belief' is
a lifestyle of fanatical observance, these promotions are
harmful indeed. These notions are looked on as 'fact' rather
than opinion. Science and common sense matter very little
to someone who is having their thinking done for them.


We must address the esteem issue, and where it originates.
The lack of connectedness is a real and damaging problem.
At the fragile stages of not being fully developed in self or in
standing up for self or having had enough chances to strengthen
confidence and competence, the overwhelmingly negative images
and ideas that bombard these kids serve to erode the newly
blooming self-love.

Add to this that we are all bashed and broken from birth to
defer to the authority of a particular place or system, so if we
are not being protected in a school, church, family, we feel
powerless and without the 'right' to assert protection on our own.
Furthermore, the complicitness of authority to allow our abuse
sends a signal that we aren't worth protecting. Nothing could be
further from the truth. The lacking of public officials highlights
their incompetence and shame, not ours.

We have to teach them to know and love and embrace
themselves fully, so that they know they are worth protecting.
They must overcome the intimidation of a world and its
oppressors that promote the falsehood of gay people being
'lesser.'

Let's stop pretending that there isn't a double standard in place.
Bullies--jackasses, violent people, poor communicators, scum,
religious terrorists, etc--seem to get a free pass in society because
people are either afraid of them or don't know what to do with
them, or both. But the rest of us, already the subject of a bully's 
taunts and harassment, are expected to take up the slack and
be the 'bigger' people. The good guys are expected to tolerate
and endure and smile sweetly and make a nice doormat while,
at best, fingers are wagged and empty scoldings are leveled at
bullies.

This is the way it has been for some time. There is a sense of
avoiding the reality of the hierarchy of the world; that might
does in fact tend to make right. (But let a 'victim' lash out or
fight back, defending themselves; then all holy Hell breaks
loose!) Why is it that it becomes acceptable with repetition
for a bully to do certain actions, and people become resigned
to it and even apologist for it, but a defensive strike against
these very actions draws excited fury? Like I said; double
standards, hypocrisy, unfairness.

Here's a tough pill; the world is full of those things. It's the
nature of the beast. But we still have to fight the battle.
We still have to take the battle to them. Zero tolerance
policies are important. Education and advocacy and
outreach are important. But the real battles are within.

However, Will Rogers said it so well;
"You can't legislate intelligence and common sense."

So we bear down and accept that the world can suck
and be unfair; and we recognize that we MORE than have
a right to be alive in it.  We MORE than have a right to live
well and be treated well. We have to aggressively learn a
better defense; think outside the box, stop passively awaiting
help to come from outside sources. Our hero is within. It
always has been...we just weren't taught that.

Stop striking in. Throw off the shackles;
Embrace your greatness, refute the lies.
Know your power.
You can do this.

************************************************

ENOUGH!

These past few weeks have been littered with story after story of
still more teens killing themselves in response to bullying at school
and online, as well as general depression about their sexuality.

Well, god-damned ENOUGH and GET THE FUCK OVER IT ALREADY.

Sorry, but the empathy has left the building.
I will honor no dead because the attention seems to be convincing
some that attention after-the-fact is worth killing yourself over.
With all the resources and all the available people, there's no
justification.

Yes, life is hard. Better well jolly cotton up to that shit and let's all
bloody well fucking move on to the main feature, shall we?

Instead of creating a world where we abolish the taunters and teasers--
which is, by the way, never going to happen--why don't we all get industrious
and do some real damned good? Like making our youth stronger.

We can't change what others will do, and I don't mean to say give up on
holding them responsible. But no one can be passive in life and survive,
and a lot of these kids are ill-equipped for reality because 'being gay'
to them is all about the aesthetic, the idea, the quaint "while in your room
talking to your sympathetic friends and watching 'Will & Grace' re-runs"
un-reality of being gay in a fantasy world.

But this world is not that. It's another beast all together.

People are rude, and cruel, and hurtful.
But they can only win if you care about what they say....
if you show that they have sway over you...
if you aren't able to fight back.
They only win when you stop trying and give up.

It isn't about size or strength or being butch or becoming a bully
yourself. Plenty of drag queens and trans folks and petite women
know all about being Fierce not because it is innate, but because it
is necessary in order to survive! You have to be able to adapt.

Survival is key, and you have to evolve to survive.

It's time to train ourselves in how to be better fighters, promoters
of self, and egotists. It's time for confidence-building and speaking
up and training and not taking shit.

So you're afraid? Good, acknowledge it and move on.
Everybody's scared of life. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a
lying sack of shit. You only get courageous by facing fear, not giving
in to it.

And yes, life does get better, but only with WORK. You have to do
your part, not give in and give up. You can't wait for a hero, honey
chiles. You have to BECOME your own god-damned hero.
And that's the facts, Jack.

Stop hurting yourselves.
Stop allowing the enemy to win.
Stop thinking of yourselves as weak or less than.
Stop striking in when you should be striking out.

You are all fierce and fabulous and beautiful, my gay and lesbian
and conflicted and bi and trans and queer and unlabeled and straight
outcasts, and I love you dearly. At any age. In any place. Of any race.
Of any size.

For the love of creation and the unique and gorgeous life that
you are...stop hurting yourself...and do whatever it takes to
find your voice, fight back, and live life loud and proud.

Be strong.
Be courageous.
It is within you.

Remembering artist & activist Keith Haring

Since it seems so much of the LGBT history is not known

in this younger, more self-sufficient age, I thought looking

back on our shared past and some of our greats

would be a good means of introduction.

Haring was a young gay man who used art to reach

audiences in everyday settings. He was interested in

education, creating unity, and eliminating the divide

between classes (and overcoming people's aversion to art.)

Finding new avenues for expression and utilizing

simple but bold designs, color, and imagery was

enticing and approachable. His interests included

fighting Apartheid, AIDS, and the crack epidemic.

From humble beginnings (subway chalk drawings,

graffiti art, mixed media) he grew a worldwide empire

based in social consciousness in a time when being

openly gay was still anathema and conservatism

was in swing.

Haring only lived to be 31, but his influence

and impact were tremendous. (He inspires and influences

me personally to this day!) His art is still

used as the icon for the annual

"National Coming Out Day" celebration,

among many other events.

***************

A Powerful Point on Bullying

Here's a great piece from a friend in PFLAG,
illustrating a major oversight in how many cases
of bullying are handled.

**************************************************************************

D. Michael Cavalier



A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying.
She gave them the following exercise to perform: They were
asked to take a piece of paper and crumple it up, stomp on it,
and really mess it up - not rip it.
 
Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look
at how scarred and dirty it was. She then asked them to tell it
they’re sorry.
 
Although they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper,
she pointed out all the scars that they left behind, and that
those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried
to fix it. That is what happens when someone bullies a child;
they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever.
 
The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told
her the message hit home.
 
Pass it on.
 
***********************************************

The Devil in God's Clothing

So I live far out and have a hell of a time with
radio reception at my place. Consequently, sometimes
I get a station I wouldn't ordinarily listen to, like a
Fox News subscriber network.

Yesterday was just such a day, and I was subjected
to a ludicrous "Focus on the Family" 'news' update.

They had a piece about how the gay and lesbian service
members (and veterans) are looking to use momentum
from the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to overturn
DOMA.

And how even though the country is firmly against this,
those poor lawmakers are being railroaded by those
fanatical gays.

And how we Queers are looking to get hold of the
government's money by getting all these benefits and
special rights.

And how this 'Agenda' is going to be forced down
the country's throat in an effort to legitimize homosexuality.

And then, they did the unthinkable, even for them.
(Although really it's an old ploy for these lying bastards.)
They immediately followed that story with a story about
child molesters using the Village Voice classified ads section
to promote child sex trade.

That's all it takes; just to connect the images of the two things
(which are completely unrelated) in the minds of the scared
and reactionary American public. These saps who believe that
Fox is fair and balanced, and think 'Focus on the Family' is
credible and well-minded.

I don't have a problem with people having an opinion, and
certainly not with expressing it as opinion. But when these
yahoos use lies and misinformation and scare tactics to create
an atmosphere of distrust and hatred, that's war.

And anything goes in war.

"The Hell you say!?!?"

People are still celebrating

and acknowledging

scummy and outdated

'Columbus Day'

 and the Queers don't get a day

off for National Coming Out Day?

Sounds like some Republican

horseshit

if you ask me!!

A Culture of Duplicity & Inauthentic Living

Former Governor of New Jersey,  James E. McGreevey is perhaps
best known for his startling declaration in 2004 that he was gay and
had been having an affair with a male staff member.

His book, "The Confession", is a gripping and revealing tale of
a man's upbringing and all the facets of living a double life. It's
excruciating to read of all the secrecy and lies that people still
endure in this 'modern' age.

My outlook over closeted public figures has softened somewhat
over the years. I do know there is more than one side to the
story of how people act and live. This book is making me even
more sympathetic to the plight of men and women in this dilemma.

My take has always been that just because I live my life openly
and on my sleeve, I have no expectation that there is only one
way to live as a gay man. (Or woman, or bi, what have you.)

In fact, the way I live is indicative of maybe only 10% of the gay
population. Most favor a quieter, more discreet life. A simpler
and less confrontational way of being. What I do is not about
critiquing anyone else, or suggesting a 'better' way; it's the way I
have to live. And I want to change things in this world do that
no one else has to live a life of desperation like the one McGreevey
so heartbreakingly demonstrates in his autobiography.

All of the hurdles of denying one's own affections, living a life
for others' needs instead of one's own, the lies, the constant fear;
it's all achingly detailed in an honest and straight-forward way that
is engaging and real. For anyone who has ever dealt with feelings
of difference, or being gay, or who knows someone gay, I urge you
to read this book.

It's a blueprint for an unfortunately huge segment of the populace
that we need to address. There are still far too many hurting souls
out there. It's a call for all of us to live a more truthful existence.